Monday, August 22, 2005

Wedding Etiquette - Inviting "& Guest"

Question:
This is about a family wedding. My husband's nephew is getting married. They have invited all aunts and uncles. Then they invited all cousins. Some were with guest and some were not. Then they invited third cousins with guests included. My question is (between my husband and myself) we have five children ranging from 18-35. The 18 & 25 were excluded from having guests included. All others, including the third cousins were "__________ & guest."

Is this right?

-- Sandi

Response:
Dear Sandi,

It's wonderful when budget permits inviting everyone to bring a guest, but that's usually not the case. Typically, it is considered proper etiquette to invite guests to bring a spouse, fiance or significant other/life partner - excluding someone in such a relationship is usually bad manners.

Good etiquette would dictate that some rule of thumb be imposed, so that decisions on the guest list don't seem arbitrary. For example, if SOME children under a certain age are excluded, ALL children under that age should be. Or, only children who are first cousins may be invited, but no other children at all - no exceptions.

In your case, I wonder if age is the factor the couple used to determine who would be invited to bring a guest? Perhaps 25 was the cutoff age, in order to keep to their reception budget. Or, could it be that the couple knows who is in a serious relationship and invited only those people to bring guests? It may be that your younger children are not known to be seriously involved with anyone, while your older children are.

If no criteria whatsover were used to decide who would be allowed to bring a guest, and it was just an arbitrary decision, then less than good etiquette dictated the choices. Etiquette is not a set of rules written in concrete, but a set of guidelines intended to avoid hurt feelings, and arbitrary decisions are almost certain to cause some complaints.

I hope this helps!

Send your etiquette questions for answers here or on Westchester-Weddings Etiquette pages.

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